Girl, Stop Being Jealous of the Moon!

Nicole Erb
4 min readMay 29, 2021
Image by Drew Tilk

In the age of selfies, social media, and shouting your Ws, it’s impossible not to be jealous of other women. But that kind of jealousy is high school bullshit. You do not have time for it. Especially when it comes to being jealous of the baddest bitch in the game: the moon.

It feels like every conversation is “What makes the moon so special?” or “Why does everyone want to fuck the moon lately?” Just like the moon, this feeling waxes and wanes. Yes it can feel shitty when you work really hard on a work project, but all anyone talks about is the blue moon. I hate it when I’m feeling self-conscious getting intimate with my boyfriend, and he keeps bringing up how big the moon is? I mean how many times has a fun conversation been left behind because packs of dogs are howling at an eclipse? We get it! You’re the moon.

You might not even realize that you’ve been jealous. You have sheros, you read Lean In, you stan Rihanna, RBG, and Sandra Oh. But nothing prepared you for the flood of jealousy towards the governess of floods herself. So adjust your crown, brush your shoulders off, and try these tips for freeing yourself from the gravitational pull of jealousy.

Interrupt with gratitude

Ever feel like you just stopped hating on the moon and then there she is again?! Break the cycle with gratitude. Instead of being jealous of her luminousness, give thanks that you don’t have to compete for attention against the stars! Everyone wants to go to the moon, but did you ever think that maybe the moon might want a night to just chill? Even the moon probably gets jealous. It can’t be easy having your old boyfriends NASA and Elon Musk try to get inside Mars all the time.

Celebrate her badassery

She controls the tides and has packs of wolves howling at her. Slay queen! Turn your jealousy into a curiosity and celebration. Did you know the moon is one of the largest moons in our solar system? How can you not love a body positive lady? Curious about how she got all those mountains and crevices? The moon has suffered deep impacts from hundreds of celestial bodies. You don’t get to make a deep impact unless you’ve put in the work. And what’s the deal with that dark side? It feels impossible to be a 4.5 million year old satellite and still be mysterious, but she does it with style.

Use envy to motivate

The truth is we can’t all be the moon. Most of us won’t even be stars or space trash. But that doesn’t mean you can’t use your jealousy to get motivated. What are the things you love/hate about the moon that you can emulate? You can’t control the tides, but you can enter every pool cannonball style? The truth is the moon gives zero fucks. She orbits the same path every damn night. Take it from her and get good at just one thing you can do for a century. Soon you’ll find yourself feeling masterful even if you’re not drawing men to bask in your ghostly beams.

Practice self-compassion

How many times have I heard girlfriends say, “The moon doesn’t even know I’m here!” Sadly girl that is true! Your body is not a celestial. That’s where self-care comes in. Even the moon waxes and wanes in order to show up in her full glory. Don’t set yourself the impossible standard of being a full moon babe all month long. You can’t and it would cause global catastrophes. Remember that the moon has had way more rotations than you. Your “super moon” is coming.

Create boundaries

You don’t have to see Beyonce all the time, but it’s hard to avoid the moon in your night to night. Step away from the constant, slack jawed awe of people salivating at the moon. Purchase black out curtains and don’t leave your house between 6pm and 8am (depending on your location and time of year). Put space between you and her by refusing to like people’s IG photos of really gorgeous night time skies, not attending “moon parties”, and saying no to sex in a moon-lite field with your lover. You can’t stop the moon from shining unless you have a huge bomb to destroy her. So pop in a bath bomb, bask in the glory of knowing that you are not a werewolf, and recognize that ultimately you control the shots when it comes to the moon and you.